Monday, March 21, 2011

truth for mature humans.

don't you just love forwards? even better...don't you just love the people who religiously forward emails to their entire contact list? no? okay, well then you probably would hate me. i'm one of those people. lol. there’s no better distraction during the work day, than getting a funny forward. i got this one today. read it, and i'm sure you can relate to a few! i promise its worth the read...pretty funny stuff ;)

{my favs are in bold}

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. { i know my bff would do this for me - what are girlfriends for?}

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? { i fold every other sheet, but this one}

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. {lets get it together Map Quest}

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories. {especially if you're involved in the decision making}

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away? {omg! this errrks me}

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. {i really do hate when this happens}

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. {thats why i use recycle can fit more in them, duh!}

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text. {promise, i dont this all the time}

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said? {i think all MEN do this}

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
{its called skills}

happy monday! hope you guys have a great work week!!!


Brandi said...

Bwhahahahahahahahahahahaha! This cracked me up!!!! LOL! I love it!!!!!!!!!! #5 is SO TRUE! #6, EXACTLY!

Love this!

Emily said...

These were hilarious! I was going to say the #'s I loved but it turned out to be about 80% of them. These were great. Happy Monday!

melifaif said...

Okay, you cracked me up so hard with these. I had a lot to say, but now I forget...I am just laughing. Thanks for that. It is Monday, afterall...

melifaif said...

Okay I stopped laughing and had to comment on my favs. Um, #17...I tried explaining that to my friend. She didn't get it! Oh well, I tried. #20, you are a riot. But, that's a good point. #21 heellllooooo Dirty Dancing!

Taylor said...

these are funny! i think the mapquest one is especially true...i always just cross those out because they throw me off when i need to just pay attention to the more important directions!

Sam {} said...

Ha!! These are great :)

Faith said...

hahahaha, i got this forward and loved it ... it's so funny and most of them are right on!

Marz said...

OMG these are freaking hilarious!! :) I would have bolded #19 as well - too funny!!!!

LeeAnn said...

Ill teach you to fold a fitted sheet!