My heart has been a little heavier than usual these last couple weeks.
I’ve been going to the same dentist for several years now. I couldn’t ask for a better dentist or a better group of people that work in that office. A couple weeks ago, I went in for my regular cleaning and my dentist told me, one of the dental hygienist (we’ll call her J) was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer. The doctors found out way too late and now she has been given only six months to live. As my dentist told me this, his eyes watered up and mine did the same. To be honest, I never thought J liked me. There were a couple times I caught an attitude during appointments because sitting in that chair for way too long or any other lame excuse. My dentist explained to me that J actually really liked me a lot. My heart instantly skipped a beat. Its funny to assume that someone may or may not like you…and then it turns out….they actually think pretty highly of you. My thoughts turned to regretting ever catching an attitude with such a down to earth person. This situation makes me think of how its so important how we treat people. How can someone I hardly see or know think so much of me? What is it about me? The entire dentist office is different…I sense sadness. It makes my heart ache to know someone is suffering. I've never experience a close death of anyone close to me. I’ve said a prayer for her every single night and she is constantly on my mind.
Ever since I’ve heard of this news…I’ve tried to express my gratitude for everything a little more than usual. Maybe this was another one of God's wake up calls...its amazing how He works through some people to touch others. Every morning I thank God for a new beautiful day and tell myself I’m going to have a great day no matter what. God knows when my heart is smiling, hurting or yearning for more. Even when I feel like giving up sometimes….He is always there…pushing me…cheering me on. He's my biggest fan...next to my mom of course ;) No matter how many times I may have turned away from Him…He’s always been there for me.
In the last two years I can sense His presence in my life now more than ever. I’m continuously learning patience and confidence because of His direction. And, even though sometimes I just want to see the final result…He says “not yet” and, He pushes something else my way to overcome. Our Father works in ways we just simply will never understand, but His ways always come with good intentions because He loves us that much. These last couple months I’ve tried to take certain situations into my hands instead of being patience and letting Him do his work. Of course things didn't happen...Ashley's way. I found myself saying now…”I get it…I get it” Sometimes, I look in the mirror and simply smile at myself…I smile because of how much I’ve grown just in the last year. I know, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Life is just that good…today is blessing and tomorrow is not promised, so live for today…sounds like something from a fortune cookie…lol. Be happy now...in this moment...don't wait for things to turn around. God can't do everything...sometimes your help is required. Love those around you and spread it to strangers. Love is the most powerful gift.
Although, my heart is heavy...I've still remained in good spirits because I'm living with a purpose and I'm truly happy with my life and grateful for all of my blessings. I'm sorry for a somewhat sad post on this Monday morning, but my heart was speaking to me and I had to get the words out.