thoughts.

This life is full of endless possibilities.

I feel like there is so much out there.
Sooo much I’ve yet to experience.
My body, mind and soul craves to experience the unknown.
I haven’t always been like this.
I’ve always been the shy little girl.
Always hidden within my comfort zone.
Afraid of change.
Sometimes, I surprise myself how much I’ve truly come out of my shell.
Experiences will do that to you.
Good and bad ones.
They change you.
I have to say though, I’ve fallen in love with life.
My life.
Trust me, I’m not saying my life is perfect.
But…I’ve reached a point where my heart is somewhat content for the moment.
I no longer dwell in the fact I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be at this point in my life.
Married…baby…house.
One day, I’ll have someone to share a life with, and it will be right.
Someone that will make his home inside my heart and stay a while. (forever)
And of course I would love to be a mother.
What better honor than to carry another human being and them love you unconditionally?
I don’t pray the same type of prayers.
I feel like God knows.
He just knows.
He planted these desires in my heart.
This year, I promised myself to just roll with the punches.
Just to be present and not stress so much about the future.
Every day brings something new.
That’s the beautiful thing about life.
Change.
Growth.
And all that other gushy stuff.

thoughts that should probably stay in my head. oh well.

Random people that tell me how awesome my big ball of curls are.
Lets trade?! Pluh-leeeze.

Early morning workouts.
You will be the death of me.

My heart.
Please make up your mind.

Healthy eating.
You are changing my life. Thank you.

January 2014.
I'm counting down until you make your grand appearance. #bigthingspoppin

His voice.
Lawd have mercy.

People who make me laugh.
Like holding my belly, almost pee in my pants laugh.
I love you.

Wishy washy people.
#aintnobodygottimeforthat

My sweet baby nephew, Gabriel.
Seriously. This kid melts my heart.

Mean people.
There's a special place in youknowwhere for you.

Squats, lunges and dead lifts.
You betta make this ass grow.

Sleeping in King size beds every other week.
I'm selfish, and don't ever see myself sharing a bed.
Like, ever. Again.

Fitting into my size four pants.
Booooo--yaaahhhh!!!

 40 year old people that are still clubbing.
God, I hope that's not me.

People who use social networking sites to send subliminal messages.
Grow the eff up and just talk to the person.

Kettlebells.
The best thing slice bread.

Hearing from someone you haven't spoken to in a long time.
Hello rush of emotions.
Damn you, heart, damn you.

 Delta Airlines.
Layovers. Suck big balls.

the test of patience.

One thing I’ve learned in the past year and half is patience. No, I have not mastered the art of patience. I don’t think that’s humanly possible. However, I am a firm believer that God gives us “life lessons” that sometimes require patience.

I entered a new period or chapter (whatever you want to call it) in my life in September 2011. This is when I truly became an adult.

For the first time in my life, I was living completely alone and had to learn how to be independent. Several hours away from what once was all I knew, I had to learn to walk again. I like to think this is when my walk with the Lord truly began. I’m still learning balance and what it means to be an adult. Most of my life, I lived at home with my parents and for almost two years lived with an ex-boyfriend. I feared that I would never get to experience living on my own, but He had other plans.

Since living on my own, I’ve discovered an appreciation of the process of being an adult. You’re forced to learn how to manage money and be independent. This was something I never knew or understood in the past. This whole process required patience. At times, I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. You can imagine what an eye opening experience this has been for me. I love my little apartment, although I’ve yet to really decorate. That could be because I’m rarely home, but it’s mine. Life of a traveling gal. 

I often think about making a house a home with my future spouse one day. Sometimes, it does get kinda lonely living alone, but it’s nice at the same time. I wouldn't take back this experience for anything! I think it's important for everyone, especially women to have the experience of living on their own. This is where that little thing called patience comes in. I feel like God’s working through me and in my life as I continue to grow into the best version of who I am now. I’ve always been told that He will never put a dream in your heart that will not come to past. Sooo until then, I'll continue to be patient and enjoy my little nest. At least, I'll try my hardest. Ha-ha.

So many life lessons. Everyday. You gotta laugh sometimes, but what an amazing teacher we have.

a thankful heart.

1. laughing so hard my belly aches
2. strawberry pancakes
3. my Savior, Jesus Christ
4. full tank of gas
5. six hours of driving through four states just to see my love ones
6. my health
7. experience of living in another state
8. home cooked meals
9. making new memories and remembering the old ones
10. my job
11. traveling to places I’ve never been
12. seeing old friends
13. passing the Mason-Dixon line
14. my co-workers that make me laugh all day
15. tight hugs
16. first loves
17. daily conversations with my Heavenly Father
18. singing at the top of my lungs while driving
19. cup of coffee first thing in the morning
20. all the bloggers I’ve connected with…y’all are seriously amazing
21. someone telling me that my loud, annoying laugh is contagious
22. long, hot showers
23. making new friends
24. baseball games
25. dance parties in my kitchen while doing the dishes
26. freshly brewed sweet tea
27. my sweet Baby nephew, Gabriel
28. having dinner with my family
29. freshly painted nails
30. my first apartment
31. my sisters awesome sense of humor
32. answered prayers
33. possibility to relocate this year
34. gentlemen that open doors and pull out chairs
35. honest and genuine friends
36. spending time with myself
37. getting lost in a really good book
38. discovering a new blog
39. feeling the suns warmth on my skin
40. a good hair day
41. butterflies when you begin to like someone
42. skype/facetime dates 
43. sharing a laugh or smile with a stranger
44. barbecues on a nice summer day
45.  quotes I can relate to
46.  road trips
47.  falling asleep listening to the rain
48. freshly made guacamole
49. cupcakes
50. my past, my present and my future

broken heart.

My heart aches.

It aches for Newton, CT.

It aches for the parents that lost a child.

It aches for our country.

 

I’m not a parent, but my heart is deeply saddened by this tragic event.

 

Like most of you, I’ve shed so many tears.

Like most of you, I’ve prayed continuously for Newton.

Like most of you…my heart is completely broken to pieces.

 

I pray our Heavenly Father will bring comfort and peace to those hurting.

I pray our Heavenly Father will heal our broken hearts and restore our faith.

I pray our Heavenly Father will work in the hearts of those who need Him the most.

i'd tell my younger self...

Listen…don’t interrupt…just listen. Sometimes people just need you to listen to them.

Talk TO people not AT them.

Always hug when you see them and leave them.

You don't get a second chance to make a first impression.

Bite your tongue...some things should remain unsaid.

If he wants to be with you, he will.

Being emotional or senstive is not a bad thing…god created you this way…embrace it.

 Don't whine and complain about every single little thing

Embrace your BIG hair…bigger is better after all ;)

Take time to learn how to speak Spanish fluently

Don’t have serious conversations over text messages.

Be in the moment. Embrace the present…stop worrying about the future.

Lean on His understanding and not your own.

You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Are you in an uncomfortable season in life? Good…don’t run…sit tight…God is up to something.

Don’t burn bridges!

Think twice before making a decision that could change everything.

Be yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Speak up!

Manners go a lonnnggg way!

Don’t put your business on facebook!

Don’t tell your parents everything.

Don’t talk about your relationship to your friends.

Don’t keep score.

Don’t worry about what others think about you. Do you!

Believe you’re beautiful…because you are.

Learn how to take compliments.

Look at who you call your friends... 

Save your money!

Don’t drunk dial.

Embrace your multi-racial background….it’s a beautiful thang!

Choose your battles.

Fake it till you make it!

Smile. Life is full of endless opportunities!!

Don’t buy that! You’ll never wear it and end up giving it away!

Date a man that opens doors for you, pulls out your chairs, has manners, and has a relationship with Christ and his mother.

A little time apart can be a good thing sometimes

 

Everyone’s fairy tale is NOT the same.

Don’t make decisions based on assumptions.

Know when to walk away and when to try harder.

Hang around positive and happy people.

Talk to strangers. Sometimes, those are the best conversations.

Thank God every day for everything.

Open your eyes….God’s blessings are everywhere!

 

Stop making excuses. The mind can trick you into thinking it is impossible, but anything you can imagine is possible. It’s called faith.

Don’t let your emotions rob you of your joy!

Be happy…you’ve got a roof over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back, family and friends that love you…life is good!

What would you tell the younger verison of you?

truth moment.

A fellow blogger inspired me to write this post…a post I've neglected to write out of fear. Megan wrote the most honest post a blogger could. She talked about how real the devil truly is. He exists.

She said… “The devil knows us inside and out. He knows the doubts that we have about ourselves and the insecurities that we are facing. He waits for moments when we are weak and hurting, and then tries to launch an attack, making us question ourselves, our friends/family, our world and our God.”

Megan asked her readers to comment with any lies/lie the devil tells them. The devil often tells me the same things…his deceitful ways try to get a hold of me and often tug at my heart, making me question God’s ways...

...I’ll never be as pretty or skinny as her

...I’m not smart enough

...I’m not qualified enough for that job

...I’ll be single forever

...I’ll never have the chance to be a mother
...I ruined my one chance of true love in my last relationship

...Moving away from North Carolina was the worst decision

...I’m not strong enough to be alone

...I’ll never truly love myself

...My heart will never fully heal

...God doesn’t care about my needs and wants

"The quickest way to change your attitude toward pain is to accept the fact that everything that happens to us has been designed for our spiritual growth."

- M. Scott Peck

I know the devil is very much so alive and he uses my mind as his playground, but sometimes I forget how powerful he really is. He feeds on my weakness and insecurities and desperately tries to steer me away from God’s amazing grace. In the past two years, my heart has ached to know God and have a relationship with Him. God saw the strong hold the devil had on me a couple years ago, and He spoke into my heart…asking me put all of my faith in Him. Let me tell you…I’m not the same woman I was three years ago. No, I haven’t changed…I’ve grown. I’ve grown spiritually. And, that is an amazing feeling...

When this job offer was presented to me last July, I didn’t whole-heartily want it. I knew it was a wonderful career move, but I was scared to remove myself from my comfort zone. I prayed about the decision to accept the job offer or not. A whole week I heard nothing. I asked God to give me a sign…do I take the job or not? During these couple of days the devil tempted me with his evil thoughts…you can imagine what lies he told me. Finally, the day before I had to give the company my decision, He spoke. He told me to move. This was the first time in my life where I truly felt God’s presence in my life. When He tells you to move, you move. Honestly, it was kinda scary at first. Shortly, after I felt peace and sense of calmness. God was trying to answer my prayers…He knew I craved an imitate relationship with Him, and the only way to have that was to make this move…alone. I had to learn to rely on Him.

God was rescusing me during a time I allowed my feelings to rob me of my joy and happiness. As I’ve of said before, this move hasn’t been easy. Honestly, this was the hardest thing I've ever done. I left everything I knew to come to the unknown. I left my family, my friends, my first love, job...everything. The first couple months the devil certainly had a hold on me. It was so difficult to ignore Him. I have never spoken to God so much in my life. I have never pleaded with Him so much…crying my eyes out every single night. I felt like He had abandon me after telling me to make this life changing decision. Looking back, He was there all along. All the nights I cried myself to sleep...He was there. He knew moving me to this new place would be a beautiful struggle. A struggle I desperately needed.

I’ve learned to trust God in sooo many new ways, despite what the devil tries to tell me. The devil caused me to question God’s glory and love for me. God removed situations/people in my life for my own good. At my weakest moment, I realized God wants to be a part of the growing process with me. He wants me to lean on His understanding…not mine. He knows how uncomfortable this season in my life has been, but still He remain present in my life. He is molding me into the woman He created me to be. There’s a sense of peace knowing I’m where I’m supposed to be. Don’t get me wrong, every day is no walk in the park and the devil tries to stray me away from the man upstairs…I refuse to give into his evil ways. It’s a struggle as you know, but God always remains faithful.

I’ve learned to embrace this season I’m in and have faith that God’s will be done in my life. The devil often tells me, I’m all alone and will be single for the rest of my life. I’ll never experience God’s gift of becoming a mother. All lies, but these lies hurt. God knows what my heart desires and in His perfect time…he’ll either answer my prayers or reveal something much better. He is the only person who can truly fulfill us…bring joy, happiness, and love in our lives. If only we let Him. If only we trust in His ways. He knows this can be difficult for us. Of course, He knows…He created us. Sometimes, I forget God knows every detail and every inch of me. I will never forget how much He loves me, forgives me and continuously gives me countless opportunities to learn the lesson He has set before me.

I am so thankful for the people God has placed in my life. Especially, all of the beautiful Christian women whom inspire me and help me grow as a Christian. Thank you!

My amazing co-worker and friend said this to me this morning… “And, for what it’s worth, I pray for you and all of my friends every night….that you always find what you seek, and receive what you so richly deserve.” And, this is what I pray for all of you.

just wait.

wait and listen to Him.

  

i'm really trying.

lately, i've been really struggling with this.

especially, during this season where i've been trying

to quiet my thoughts, and just wait on His guidance.

honestly, i've never whole-heartily tried...until now.

for the first time in my life...i can honestly say the Lord has truly humbled me.

i mean...

knock me to my knees,

spending weekends in bed,

crying at the drop of the hat...

i could go on, but i'll just stop there.

this is the real, raw and uncut verision of what i've been dealing with.

 i am forever grateful for this season, although it's been extremely difficult at times.

i have never felt this way.

 ever.

i remain faithful in knowing He hears my prayers, cries, and will guide my steps.

 i'll admit...i've probably cried and pleaded with Him more in the last seven months.

i've learned He needs to be the center of my life.

that's all He wants from us.

amazing, how it took me moving to a completely different state,

being all alone for seven months...to realize this.

but, this was probably His plan all along.

my heart yearns to hear Him and desperately wants to wait on Him.

this is tough.

i guess this is what happens when you pray for patience.

this is something most of us struggle with. right? i can't be the only one.

this blog ALWAYS speaks to my heart.

especially, during this season in my life.

The value of consistent prayer is not that He will hear us, but that we will hear him.

- William McGill

20 Principles Of Success Not Taught In School.

we could all use some good tips, right?

L.O.V.E the twenty tips below.

good stuff.

check it out!

mmmmkay? ;)

********************************************

1.The only thing in life you have control over is your perspective. No matter what happens, YOU control what the meaning is, and what to do with the meaning you give to the circumstance.

2.Have more fear of regret than failure.

3.Failure is only part of the journey to success. There is not one success story out there that hasn’t experienced failure. The reason you are hearing about it as a success story is because those people saw failure as a tool to get it right.

4.It’s not about what you want to do for a living, it’s about you who want to be. What is your purpose and legacy? I believe the age-old question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” is wrong. We need to be asking, “Who do you want to be? What footprint do you want to leave in this world?” From there, you will have your answer as to what you should “do.”

5.Stay focused on your race within. When you are too busy looking behind and around you, people are passing you by.

6.True leadership comes from good energy. Worry more about what your energy is like than the firmness your handshake.

7.Life will give you the same challenges/problems over and over again until you learn your lesson.

8.Until you jump over your inner roadblocks, your outer ones will stay firmly in place. We spend so much time focused on all the exterior obstacles around us, letting them be our excuses. But the more clear and aware we are of our internal roadblocks, and dissolve them, the external roadblocks will begin to disappear, too.

9.The most successful people are the ones that work on themselves first.

10.Do not judge—be inspired. If you are too busy judging everyone and everything around you, you are not remaining open to find inspiration in everyone and everything around you.

11.You are not allowed to complain about something unless you are going to do something about it.

12.Surround yourself with people you want to be like.

13.Learn to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. The more fears you face, the more you will grow.

14.Always ask, “What if?” and, “Why Not?” Instead of thinking, “What if I fail?” ask, “What if I succeed?”

15.Creativity is your unlimited capital. Understand and harness its power.

16.“I only have good days.” If you start off everyday with this mindset, even when challenges emerge, your positive mindset will help you overcome them more readily.

17.Create your own footprint. You do not need to do what others have done before you.

18.Hit the “mental reset button.” When you are thinking negative thoughts, envision hitting the “delete” button in your mind and begin to rewrite a better story.

19.Abundance is everywhere. You must choose to see it and believe it in order to fully experience it.

20.There is a lesson in everything that happens to us—wisdom to be gained and gratitude to be given. Begin with gratitude and everything else will reveal itself.

The beauty of success is that it can have many layers. Success doesn’t need to be limited to one aspect of life—but as many aspects as we desire to succeed in. The critical part of being successful is to be aware of what you want. Define it, write it down, and reflect, every day, on which steps are necessary to write your own story of success.

Positively Positive

hold the pose.

this speaks volumes to me.

a little reminder always helps.

gratitude, love and change.

my heart is so full.

i've finally come to peace with being in pa.

God has been with me along this difficult journey, and He

 continues to guide me on this amazing adventure.

my heart is full because...

He is answering my prayers.

of course on His time, not mine.

God is continuously giving me a loving and forgiving heart.

i feel it. and, this makes me so happy.

i've asked Him to change me.

to help me become the woman i was created to be.

slowly, but surely He is doing just that.

this makes my heart smile. BIG.

God, knows i'm not perfect nor do i try...

but, everyday He gives me another chance to do better.

to learn. to grow. to love. to smile. to spread His word.

my heart is so full because.. He loves me more than i can imagine.

this move to pa has certainly made me cling onto my faith,

and i have no plans on letting go.

i wonder if this was His plan all along.

He is the glue in my life.

i'm overwhelmed with gratitude.

what an amazing feeling...words cannot describe.

i pray everyday for all of my bloggie friends...

you guys certainly have helped me during this chapter in my life as well :)

do you ever look at old pictures...

and, say to yourself - what the {beeeep} was i thinkin'...

normally, i would probably think that

but, in this case i'm embracing my "silly, ridiculous, funny" pictures.

apparently, i thought it was cool to put dirty money in my mouth - ewwwww! 

that picture was taken at 4 in the morning, after a long night of celebrating a fab bachelorette party.  i don't even know where to begin to explain the second picture - let's just i was playin' dress up. lol. and, the third picture...who goes swimming wearing a plastic cap??? this girl does. hello, remember i'm mixed and i just got my hair did - why would i ruin a perfectly good do... just to go swimming?! ;) don't judge me please. lastly, no words for that one. just being lil' ole me. so, i think we're all officially besties since you've seen this gosh awful pictures. 

gotta have fun with this cray cray thing called life :)

do you and enjoy doin' you.

have lots of fun.

soak up every single minute of everyday.

laugh - it cures everything.

love, love, love and love some more.

life is simply beautiful.

and, don't forget to wear a pretty crown :)

be inspired.

pictures found from pinterest.

lessons.

God's Lessons

Start with God - the first step in learning is bowing down to God.

Proverbs 1:7 MSG

When it comes to life's lessons, we can learn them the easy way, or we can learn them the hard way. The easy way can be summed up as follows: when God teaches us a lesson, we learn it - the first time. Unfortunately, too many of us catch on much more slowly than that.

When we resist God's instruction, He continues to teach us, whether we like it or not. Our challenge, then, is to discern God's lessons from the experiences of everyday life. Hopefully, we learn those lessons sooner rather than later - because the sooner we do, the sooner our heavenly Father can move on to the next lesson, and the next, and the next...

True learning can take place at every age of life,

and it doesn't have to be in the curriculum plan.

- Suzanne Dale Ezell

*******************

This powerful message is from my devotion book - it touched me, so I thought I would share. Recently, I've stumbled across some amazing (seriously amazing) Christian bloggers and boy can they write! I especially love and adore how deeply they express their love and faith in God. Most of their posts leave me inspired, in tears (good kinda tears) and a deeply touched heart.

Check 'em out...

Megan - http://mackeymadness.blogspot.com/

Erin - http://captivatedbythebeautyofgrace.blogspot.com/

Ashley - http://laluceimagery.blogspot.com/

Heather - http://www.findingbeautyintheordinary.com/

Jen - http://theazrussums.blogspot.com/

hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed week :)

trying to be better.

Remember the road to finding ultimate success & happiness is not a straight path or pothole free.

It winds, has sudden sharp turns, & sometimes several

detours you must explore before you finally get to the end.

Don't get discouraged when you head on direction w/ one destination in mind & when you get lost.

Explore the many detours that could lead you there & to other places because...there always... ARE better ways & sometimes even better paths for you.

Remember: you won't know or find them unless you stay persistent & keep trying.

Yes. There ARE a few roads that leads you to success.

Explore your options.

Try new paths OR detours if you feel

like you aren't on right one!

Stay aware, be brave, proactive, & inspire yourself. :)

in other news...

i love signing onto blogger and reading sooo many inspiration, funny and cute blogs. makes.my.day. even when i'm feeling a little down...you guys always know how to make a girl cheer up :) have you ever read a post that makes you go hmmmm?? i read a post the other day that really hit some with me. to sum it up...basically words can be used as weapons. sometimes, i can fight nasty...when it comes to words. this isn't something i'm proud of and i really try to be more careful with what i say and how i say it. but, when your hurting, all of consideration goes out the window sometimes. however, thats no excuse. i've def said some mean stuff in the last couple days and of course, instantly regretted saying them. {i just need to carry around a roll of duck tape} in all seriousness...i need to learn to "fight" fair! i'm sorry...can only go so far once the damage has been done.

how do you control yourself during heated arguments or

stop yourself from lashing out on someone because your hurting?

recap.

happy tuesday!

i'm back in pa {insert sad face}

the visit home to nc was wonderful.

i def took advantage of the time i had to

spend with family and close friends.

i didn't take as many pictures as i would have liked to

because i was just so happy to be home :)

the mickey mouse birthday party was a hit.

lil' baby j turned one years old. awwww.





i had a much needed girls night with a

couple friends and met some new peeps.

of course, i spent A LOT of time with my bestie.

oh, how i've missed her.



going back home after not seeing my family and friends

def makes me appreciate them that much more.

truly, it does.

on another note...

this past weekend i closed another chapter in my life

that should have been closed a long time ago, but i chose to ignore all the signs.

eventually, my heart will heal and hopefully someday i'll be able to appreciate the good parts of my life he was involved in and the good times we shared, but until then i'm trying not to be bitter. i have learned a lot about myself because of this person. He's probably trying to save me from another heart ache and making room for the person i'm suppose to spend my life with. its truly unfortunate the way things have ended, but obviously God has other plans.

wise up.

Access Your Inner Guide

Many spiritual paths exalt the development of wisdom as a quality far greater than book knowledge. Wisdom combines intelligence, intuition and experience. Self-knowledge, sincerity and service are hallmarks of a wise person—who might show up in the form of a small child or an aged sage.


Here’s a fun way to seek wisdom in your life: Write down a question on a piece of paper and place it on your altar or in a special place. Meditate and ask for wisdom and trust that you will be provided with guidance. Throughout your day, be aware of how your environment gives you subtle (or not so subtle) clues to your question. You may receive an email, stumble upon a book or have a conversation that offers valuable feedback. At the end of the day, reflect on the signs you’ve received and open the paper. Wisdom is at your fingertips!

 Recommended: Toward Wisdom by Copthorne Macdonald
http://www.yogamint.com/

honesty.

no matter what anyone says...i know how i feel.

this has been the hardest thing for me. truly it has. and its only been two months.
you have no idea.

being away from my family, friends and my "home".

some days i don't know how to feel. i try not to feel sad and upset with myself, but its a struggle.

honestly, i wish i would have listened to my mom's advice instead of everyone else's.
since obviously she knows me best. she knew this would be hard for me and it is.
but i'm trying.

i'm trying to be the "good" friend i've always seemed to be to everyone, but its hard being so far away. at times i feel like i'm bothering everyone and that is why i apologize for calling or texting so much...or not calling or texting at all.

and being completely alone causing you to think A LOT about stuff...life, family, love, happiness, marriage, etc. what's really important in life.

its.tough.being.all.by.yourself. gosh, its hard.


i don't feel like me. my heart is definitely in north carolina.


a lot of things are not how i expected them to be. but when are they ever, right?


i know this is a good professional move, but personal?


it almost feels like i didn't really think this major decision through, but instead just jumped right into it because it sounded good.


i've just been praying for God to reveal His purpose for me being here.


and, so i'll wait to receive that answer.

{please bare with me and my lack of posting}