Thursday, September 22, 2011

honesty.

no matter what anyone says...i know how i feel.

this has been the hardest thing for me. truly it has. and its only been two months.
you have no idea.

being away from my family, friends and my "home".

some days i don't know how to feel. i try not to feel sad and upset with myself, but its a struggle.

honestly, i wish i would have listened to my mom's advice instead of everyone else's.
since obviously she knows me best. she knew this would be hard for me and it is.
but i'm trying.

i'm trying to be the "good" friend i've always seemed to be to everyone, but its hard being so far away. at times i feel like i'm bothering everyone and that is why i apologize for calling or texting so much...or not calling or texting at all.

and being completely alone causing you to think A LOT about stuff...life, family, love, happiness, marriage, etc. what's really important in life.

its.tough.being.all.by.yourself. gosh, its hard.


i don't feel like me. my heart is definitely in north carolina.


a lot of things are not how i expected them to be. but when are they ever, right?


i know this is a good professional move, but personal?


it almost feels like i didn't really think this major decision through, but instead just jumped right into it because it sounded good.


i've just been praying for God to reveal His purpose for me being here.


and, so i'll wait to receive that answer.


{please bare with me and my lack of posting}

10 comments:

melifaif said...

I had a feeling things were going tough for you. I have found you in my prayers more frequently....funny how that works, eh?! Hang in there. I can only imagine...but I think there is a reason you JUMPED at this chance. Give it some time....let it reveal itself. In the mean time....run and believe!!!!!!

Pop Champagne said...

aww sorry to hear about that, it's tough when you're by yourself! but hopefully you will sort things out and it will get better for you soon!

Tiffany said...

Hang in there. I am so sorry you're struggling and hurting. You're right, in time God will reveal His perfect plan. Until then, I hope you can gain strength from him and feel his provision.

Brandi @ Home Team Dreams said...

Ashley, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. When I was 20 I decided to move to Florida. I hated it. It took me a very long time to meet people and to make friends and even once I did it never felt like the right place for me.

I know the feelings of being alone and how it really makes you think- about everything. I always tell people that Florida is where I really discovered who I am. You have no choice but to deal with and truly get to know yourself when you're by yourself all of the time.

As much as I never grew to love Florida, were it not for being there, I absolutely would not be where I am now. And I LOVE where I living in MD. I wouldn't have the people in my life that I have now and I most certainly would have never met my husband. So I can't say whether you moving was a good idea or not but I will say to try your best to embrace the change. Know that it doens't have to be forever and that God IS in charge and WILL lead you to your next destination.

It's tough and it's perfectly OK to feel down and sad. That's natural but hang in there! You will get through hun! :)

Emily w/Amazing Grapes said...

aahh, any big change away from the normal will make you second guess everything after the fact. I completely understand what you're going through, not knowing anyone, living alone, knowing everyone's still hanging out with each other back home, but whether it was the right or wrong decision, its been made and now all you have to do is ease into it.

Know its going to take time. And its ok to feel down. I'm sure your friends don't think you're pestering them, I'm sure they understand.

You'll be ok, friend! Stay strong, you'll make it through. :)

Emily w/Amazing Grapes

inHERshoes said...

hey doll ... it's hard to be away, especially if you haven't been away from home at all. reality is, sometimes things get worse before they get better. challenges doesn't always mean things are bad. you know this better than i do as i find myself don't always leaning to my religion, but god will never give you anything you can't handle. so, you'll get through this. not the easy way, maybe because he has better plans for you. xx

Courtney B said...

Oh I totally know how you feel. I moved a year ago and the first few months I was very depressed. And I'm definitely not a depressed girl. But It was so hard being away from my family and friends, and feeling alone. Yes, I had my husband but he was at work all day and school all night. The only times I felt alive were on the weekends when he was with me the whole time. But last night I was just thinking how different my life is now. I am so happy! I love where I live (even though I'll be complaining all winter long... the cold is still shocking and crappy to me) and I have sooo many friends now. I feel totally at home!
So give it time! I promise you'll meet people that will change your life and you will start to like it, then love it :)

Megan said...

Awwww, I'm so so sorry that you are having a tough time!! Being away from friends and family is hard. I hate being away from my parents. I'll be praying for you!!

Faith said...

aww, hunny ... i am so sad that it isn't going the way you had hoped ... but it is truly so hard to be away from friends and family ... that is how i was for a while but one day it just clicks. i pray that everything clicks for you soon. thinking about you.

kristyn ellen said...

You sweet thing, hang in there. I don't want to say anything about things taking time, or just wait it out. I've been hearing that a lot myself lately and it hasn't made me feel any better! So I just won't say it. :) Just know I'm praying for you to feel more at peace where you are at!