the test of patience.

One thing I’ve learned in the past year and half is patience. No, I have not mastered the art of patience. I don’t think that’s humanly possible. However, I am a firm believer that God gives us “life lessons” that sometimes require patience.

I entered a new period or chapter (whatever you want to call it) in my life in September 2011. This is when I truly became an adult.

For the first time in my life, I was living completely alone and had to learn how to be independent. Several hours away from what once was all I knew, I had to learn to walk again. I like to think this is when my walk with the Lord truly began. I’m still learning balance and what it means to be an adult. Most of my life, I lived at home with my parents and for almost two years lived with an ex-boyfriend. I feared that I would never get to experience living on my own, but He had other plans.

Since living on my own, I’ve discovered an appreciation of the process of being an adult. You’re forced to learn how to manage money and be independent. This was something I never knew or understood in the past. This whole process required patience. At times, I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. You can imagine what an eye opening experience this has been for me. I love my little apartment, although I’ve yet to really decorate. That could be because I’m rarely home, but it’s mine. Life of a traveling gal. 

I often think about making a house a home with my future spouse one day. Sometimes, it does get kinda lonely living alone, but it’s nice at the same time. I wouldn't take back this experience for anything! I think it's important for everyone, especially women to have the experience of living on their own. This is where that little thing called patience comes in. I feel like God’s working through me and in my life as I continue to grow into the best version of who I am now. I’ve always been told that He will never put a dream in your heart that will not come to past. Sooo until then, I'll continue to be patient and enjoy my little nest. At least, I'll try my hardest. Ha-ha.

So many life lessons. Everyday. You gotta laugh sometimes, but what an amazing teacher we have.

just wait.

wait and listen to Him.

  

i'm really trying.

lately, i've been really struggling with this.

especially, during this season where i've been trying

to quiet my thoughts, and just wait on His guidance.

honestly, i've never whole-heartily tried...until now.

for the first time in my life...i can honestly say the Lord has truly humbled me.

i mean...

knock me to my knees,

spending weekends in bed,

crying at the drop of the hat...

i could go on, but i'll just stop there.

this is the real, raw and uncut verision of what i've been dealing with.

 i am forever grateful for this season, although it's been extremely difficult at times.

i have never felt this way.

 ever.

i remain faithful in knowing He hears my prayers, cries, and will guide my steps.

 i'll admit...i've probably cried and pleaded with Him more in the last seven months.

i've learned He needs to be the center of my life.

that's all He wants from us.

amazing, how it took me moving to a completely different state,

being all alone for seven months...to realize this.

but, this was probably His plan all along.

my heart yearns to hear Him and desperately wants to wait on Him.

this is tough.

i guess this is what happens when you pray for patience.

this is something most of us struggle with. right? i can't be the only one.

this blog ALWAYS speaks to my heart.

especially, during this season in my life.

The value of consistent prayer is not that He will hear us, but that we will hear him.

- William McGill

good things take time.

This past weekend, my duties as maid of honor began. Yay! We went to look at wedding dresses. Exciting, right? Let me say, I am beyond thrilled for my bestie. After all, this is an exciting time in a girl’s life. And, I am honored to be standing by her side on her big day!

As we went through all of the gorgeous jaw-dropping dresses, I imagined myself doing the exact same thing…for my special day. This is not intended to be a sad, pity party post for poor, little Ashley. Trust me; I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer. Debbie, is no friend of mine!

Buuuttttt....being single, turning twenty-six and the fact that, most of my friends are either in a serious relationship, engaged, married and having kids, makes me look twice at my own current situation. And, then I read all of you’re blogs filled with so much love. I’m not envious or jealous for the people who have a special significant other in their life, in fact, I’m happy for them. I truly am. Love is a beautiful thing. I’ve learned to be content in my current state, because I have faith that I will be blessed too, one day. However, being single doesn’t always have its perks. I just try to think that there is a lesson be hide this single season.

When your current status reads: single…you tend to look at yourself. You question yourself. What’s wrong with me? Yes, I’m guilty as charged. I’ve questioned myself countless times. At the end of the day, you look in the mirror and see your reflection staring back at you. You can’t run from who you are. You can only appreciate the many lessons, blessings and experiences, He has provided for you. Nothing is wrong with you at all. Everyone just goes through life at their own pace. I learned, I was blocking my own blessings from happening because I was never fully satisfied with my current state, even when I was in a relationship. I always wanted more. I never learned the thing called, patience. Well, guess what...patience is trying to be my BFF now. Took you long enough!

Life is just too short. One day it hit me. Wham, right in the face! Talk about ouch! I finally realized my worth. Some of us already know our worth and I guess others have to learn this. I had to learn this. I realized what a beautiful woman, inside and out, I truly am. For so long, I relied on others to make me happy and bring me joy. But it wasn’t till recently, I learned you are not responsible for other people's happiness, because everyone is responsible for their own lives and happiness. You have to be happy and content with yourself first, and anyone else who comes into your life will only enhance what you've already established. It’s funny how wedding dress shopping for my best friend turned into thinking about all of that...us women, and our dang analyzing. Thanks a lot, Eve!

Yesterday, in church the sermon was based around fulfilling our potential that God has given us. As I’m sitting in the pew listening closely, I thought to myself, am I fulfilling my full potential? I realize we are all works in progress and there is a lesson to learn everyday. God is constantly giving us the same tests over and over again, until we learn the lesson. This is why I feel the need to strengthen my relationship with Him… because all things are possible because of Him. He knows my needs and wants. And, He is the only one who can answer my prayers. I realize, I have a role to play, and that God is not going to do all the work for me. I feel like my faith, positive attitude and living in the present (not the past) is the only way I’m going to receive.