Tuesday, April 3, 2012

truth moment.

A fellow blogger inspired me to write this post…a post I've neglected to write out of fear. Megan wrote the most honest post a blogger could. She talked about how real the devil truly is. He exists.

She said… “The devil knows us inside and out. He knows the doubts that we have about ourselves and the insecurities that we are facing. He waits for moments when we are weak and hurting, and then tries to launch an attack, making us question ourselves, our friends/family, our world and our God.”

Megan asked her readers to comment with any lies/lie the devil tells them. The devil often tells me the same things…his deceitful ways try to get a hold of me and often tug at my heart, making me question God’s ways...

...I’ll never be as pretty or skinny as her
...I’m not smart enough
...I’m not qualified enough for that job
...I’ll be single forever
...I’ll never have the chance to be a mother
...I ruined my one chance of true love in my last relationship
...Moving away from North Carolina was the worst decision
...I’m not strong enough to be alone
...I’ll never truly love myself
...My heart will never fully heal
...God doesn’t care about my needs and wants

"The quickest way to change your attitude toward pain is to accept the fact that everything that happens to us has been designed for our spiritual growth."
- M. Scott Peck

I know the devil is very much so alive and he uses my mind as his playground, but sometimes I forget how powerful he really is. He feeds on my weakness and insecurities and desperately tries to steer me away from God’s amazing grace. In the past two years, my heart has ached to know God and have a relationship with Him. God saw the strong hold the devil had on me a couple years ago, and He spoke into my heart…asking me put all of my faith in Him. Let me tell you…I’m not the same woman I was three years ago. No, I haven’t changed…I’ve grown. I’ve grown spiritually. And, that is an amazing feeling...

When this job offer was presented to me last July, I didn’t whole-heartily want it. I knew it was a wonderful career move, but I was scared to remove myself from my comfort zone. I prayed about the decision to accept the job offer or not. A whole week I heard nothing. I asked God to give me a sign…do I take the job or not? During these couple of days the devil tempted me with his evil thoughts…you can imagine what lies he told me. Finally, the day before I had to give the company my decision, He spoke. He told me to move. This was the first time in my life where I truly felt God’s presence in my life. When He tells you to move, you move. Honestly, it was kinda scary at first. Shortly, after I felt peace and sense of calmness. God was trying to answer my prayers…He knew I craved an imitate relationship with Him, and the only way to have that was to make this move…alone. I had to learn to rely on Him.

God was rescusing me during a time I allowed my feelings to rob me of my joy and happiness. As I’ve of said before, this move hasn’t been easy. Honestly, this was the hardest thing I've ever done. I left everything I knew to come to the unknown. I left my family, my friends, my first love, job...everything. The first couple months the devil certainly had a hold on me. It was so difficult to ignore Him. I have never spoken to God so much in my life. I have never pleaded with Him so much…crying my eyes out every single night. I felt like He had abandon me after telling me to make this life changing decision. Looking back, He was there all along. All the nights I cried myself to sleep...He was there. He knew moving me to this new place would be a beautiful struggle. A struggle I desperately needed.

I’ve learned to trust God in sooo many new ways, despite what the devil tries to tell me. The devil caused me to question God’s glory and love for me. God removed situations/people in my life for my own good. At my weakest moment, I realized God wants to be a part of the growing process with me. He wants me to lean on His understanding…not mine. He knows how uncomfortable this season in my life has been, but still He remain present in my life. He is molding me into the woman He created me to be. There’s a sense of peace knowing I’m where I’m supposed to be. Don’t get me wrong, every day is no walk in the park and the devil tries to stray me away from the man upstairs…I refuse to give into his evil ways. It’s a struggle as you know, but God always remains faithful.

I’ve learned to embrace this season I’m in and have faith that God’s will be done in my life. The devil often tells me, I’m all alone and will be single for the rest of my life. I’ll never experience God’s gift of becoming a mother. All lies, but these lies hurt. God knows what my heart desires and in His perfect time…he’ll either answer my prayers or reveal something much better. He is the only person who can truly fulfill us…bring joy, happiness, and love in our lives. If only we let Him. If only we trust in His ways. He knows this can be difficult for us. Of course, He knows…He created us. Sometimes, I forget God knows every detail and every inch of me. I will never forget how much He loves me, forgives me and continuously gives me countless opportunities to learn the lesson He has set before me.

I am so thankful for the people God has placed in my life. Especially, all of the beautiful Christian women whom inspire me and help me grow as a Christian. Thank you!

My amazing co-worker and friend said this to me this morning… “And, for what it’s worth, I pray for you and all of my friends every night….that you always find what you seek, and receive what you so richly deserve.” And, this is what I pray for all of you.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

more of Him...less of me.

just reading this brings tears to my eyes. so beautiful. so true.